February 2, 2021

Hope in a World Torn Apart

“As far as building creative careers, those are over. The market is crashing all around, and careers and options are in the can.”

This is what one lady told me when I told her what I do. She went on to say that “You can’t coach someone to succeed in a game when the rules are changing constantly.” And then she laid out a game plan for how I could shift my entire career path toward teaching kids just coming out of Highschool on how to get successful, traditional, safe jobs.

It’s tempting to agree with her. A creative career is a gamble, and maybe it’s not worth it. She concluded with these words, “You need to be more self-disciplined and less hopeful if you want stuff to work.”

I am a creative career coach, and I coach women through the process of building a lucrative creative career. This job goes hand-in-hand with the entrepreneurial position I have undertaken - alongside my brother - of building a company dedicated to supporting Catholic artists.

My heart hurt after she said these things, but only for a moment. I turned to prayer, and immediately found solace in my heavenly Father, as He assured me, “I have not led you this far down this path for nothing. Believe in me.”

I do not believe creative careers are over. If we have been created with the drive to imitate our creator, and create in his image, as He did for us, then why would He snatch that opportunity away? Despite what many seem to believe, ours is not a vindictive God. He plants desires in our hearts because He plans to bring them to fruition. The Lord has called those of us who are artists to be creative. To ignore that call would be to stifle and kill something Godlike, and Godgiven, within us.

The Despair

Fundamentally, I am a voice against all those who would say we can no longer create; who would hold up any excuse to get out of rebuilding our world. And believe me, we can find many excuses: the world’s economy, depravity, or enjoyment in the ugly and deformed; the belief in man’s inability to rise above his circumstances: “we must play the hand we’re dealt, and hope for heaven;” or even the belief that SOME people are creative enough to make it, but not me: I just dabble: I could never be a second Michelangelo.

With attitudes like that, who needs the devil to destroy art? He’s off somewhere else, toppling the statues and art of the old world; burning Notre Dame and looting churches, while we bury ourselves in a world that sees no hope for rebuilding culture.

The Hope

But is hope merely dead weight?

In JPII’s letter to artists, he lays out the philosophy that we are not only created to ‘dominate the earth’, but that artists have a unique connection to God that allows them to communicate him to the world.

“Through his “artistic creativity” man appears more than ever “in the image of God”, and he accomplishes this task above all in shaping the wondrous “material” of his own humanity and then exercising creative dominion over the universe which surrounds him.... as Cardinal Nicholas of Cusa made clear: “Creative art, which it is the soul's good fortune to entertain, is not to be identified with that essential art which is God himself, but is only a communication of it and a share in it”. That is why artists, the more conscious they are of their “gift”, are led all the more to see themselves and the whole of creation with eyes able to contemplate and give thanks, and to raise to God a hymn of praise. This is the only way for them to come to a full understanding of themselves, their vocation and their mission.”

“You need to be more self-disciplined and less hopeful if you want stuff to work.” The same lady quoted above said this to me as well.

God bless her, she fears for mine, and every artists’, future. She has seen me start projects, and then drop them, as I built myself up in discipline, health, and direction, and now she fears, not only that I will not follow through with my call from the Lord, but that the Lord is not calling me at all. Not to this task. This task, she says, ‘is over’.

If the task of rebuilding culture, of teaching others how to create and share that work with others, of teaching them how to do this full-time, so that we can move away both from the ‘starving artists’ mentality, and the mentality of ‘dabbling’ in an etsy shop... if this task is dead, then I must believe that God has given up on us all.

Truly, right before World War II, in Warsaw Poland, a little priest began a monthly paper entitled Knight of the Immaculate. He circulated it on a shoe-string budget, and brought many hearts and minds into the faith, and into a sincere devotion to Mary.

And in another part of Poland, at the same time, a seminarian was doing impromptu theatre with his friends in outdoor corners of the country.

Who are we to say that God only called Maximilian and Karol Wojtyla? Who are we to tell Him that He can’t call us, too? We can stand at the brink of the end and say, “What use is it to call me to build culture? Don’t you see it crumbling? Come on God, stop being so dang hopeful all the time. People are going around wearing masks and shutting down churches, for crying out loud! They’re looting churches and killing priests. God, why don’t you bother more with the big stuff? Stop calling me to the impossible.”

In the beautiful words of JPII, “The artist has a special relationship to beauty. In a very true sense it can be said that beauty is the vocation bestowed on him by the Creator in the gift of “artistic talent”. And, certainly, this too is a talent which ought to be made to bear fruit, in keeping with the sense of the Gospel parable of the talents.”

Is it impossible to constantly see beauty? Is it impossible to rejoice in the talent we have received? If beauty invigorates you, if creating excites you, where are you hiding? Come out, come out to the light, and share your beauty with the world.

Hope is not dead. Hope is the resurrection and the life, which has already conquered death, and led us all into the light of freedom. We are free to create, free to worship, and free to immerse ourselves in the glory of God.

What if I’m Not An Artist?

In the words, again, of JPII, “Not all are called to be artists in the specific sense of the term. Yet, as Genesis has it, all men and women are entrusted with the task of crafting their own life: in a certain sense, they are to make of it a work of art, a masterpiece.”

We are not called to be like those of this world. If the world is cowering in darkness, we are called to smile in the light. If the world is afraid of dying, we are called to die as martyrs. And if the world is destroying art, we are called to create, promote, and support it.

The Flight House, the business my brother and I are launching, is more than a place for artists: it is an opportunity for artists, sponsors, art enthusiasts, business entrepreneurs, and everyday Catholics to connect and support each other. It’s a place to immerse ourselves in beautiful entertainment that does not serve an agenda, but rejoices in the creation and journey of life that we, as Catholics - created in the Image and Likeness of God - have undertaken.

When the World is Against Us

In this past year, God has shown me, time and again, how He operates OUTSIDE the world’s laws. When I began working for Freedom After the Trauma Conference in August of 2020, it was nothing more than an idea in my friend’s head of changing the world’s narrative on trauma, and spreading the belief that ANYONE can heal and live a full life, no matter their trauma. Now, it is an organization, which held an online conference in October, now has a board of directors, and is quickly shaping up to be the most controversial and transformative organization on the planet. All this, because my friend believed what was spoken by God into her heart: that she did not experience trauma for nothing; that she is His beloved, and is called to heal the world.

I saw this with Woman School, which two years ago, was also only an idea centered around human formation, but is now a fast-growing organization of women who are transforming the lives of millions of women across the planet, helping them design beautiful marriages, families, careers, and freindships.

These organizations were successful for one reason, and one reason alone: they believed. And with this belief came the organization, built up with collaboration, skill building, routine, and dreaming.

We only stop creating when we believe it’s impossible. But nothing is impossible with God. If we believe it’s impossible, then we have lost the gift of the Resurrection. My friend was right: we need discipline. Now, more than ever, we must practice the consistent discipline that meets with results. But it is the consistency of belief, practice, creation, and promotion, not the consistency of trying to play the world’s games, and getting dragged into despair. We’re not playing the world’s games: we are embracing that God and His methods are greater. God uses the world’s means, but is not confined to them. If the world changes the game on us, so be it: we’ll be adaptable, indefatigable, and joyful! Because creating in the image of God is a joyful activity!

So, to conclude, I will not be redirecting my career path. To do so is to ignore the call He has placed on my heart, and to doubt the skills He has given me. He has made me a writer, an entrepreneur, a career coach, and only HIS voice will I allow to speak over me! Will you join me? Will you help Christ rebuild a beautiful, life-giving culture?

February 1, 2021

Thank you Lord Jesus

that I am still able to work today

that I had a relaxing weekend

that I am healed

that I have Courtney

that I am growing in wisdom, skills, and business

that I am experiencing joy in my heart

Jesus, I miss you. Thank you for being here for me. Jesus, I miss you. Thank you for walking beside me. Jesus, I miss you. Thank you for pursuing me.

January 26, 2021

“Behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to Joseph in a dream and said, “Rise, take the Child and his mother, and flee to Egypt, and remain there till I tell you.” Mat 1:13

I can’t say it came to me in a dream, but it was that in-between time when you wake with a wonderful problem on your mind, and then suddenly, with a bolt of lightening, you know the answer.

The answer that came to me that morning in early November of 2020, and which sparked everything that has come out of The Flight House since, was the simple idea of a communal crowd-funding platform that brings together 25 Catholic creators, to learn together, grow together, and hold each other accountable.

I was a bit ower-awed by this idea. It so perfectly married two problems I was trying to sort out: whether or not to continue to grow my author crowd-funding platform (which I had just begun earlier that month), and how to raise funds and build a following for the podcast my friend Ina and I were starting.

I came into the living room of our lovable little apartment where my brother sat at the work table, grinding away at the sales job that was slowly sucking away his motivation, and I told him the idea.

Seldom, before, was my brother so receptive to my grand-scheme ideas, but this one made so much sense, it satisfied a creative craving in both our hearts, and promised community, a livable income, and everything else that seemed too good to be true, and yet the solution seemed suddenly so simple and feasible.

BEHIND THE NAME

“And you know what the name is? Flight House!”

Tim smiled. Another piece of the puzzle that made perfect sense. Of course it would be named The Flight House - it was nestling snuggly into the vision we had had for The Flight House from the first.

What is The Flight House?

Back in September of 2020, when I was still living with my parents, I was out driving one day. It was one of the few moments in my life when I was guaranteed to spend time alone. During that drive, I lifted a prayer to St. Joseph. “I want to move out,” I prayed. “I want to flee this position in life that I know is wrong for me. I want to enter into the world and find my place in it - wherever God intends. This is my Flight into Egypt. Please help me to move out, and when I do, I will name my new home, Flight House.”

After that, St. Joseph worked swiftly. He introduced Tim and I to downtown Lisle, he showed us many apartments, and he opened Tim to the idea of paying rent for both of us right away, until I could contribute to the household expenses as well, and filled out hearts with the desire to fill our home with friends, community, and creativity.

Both in our mid-twenties, we needed to move out of our parent’s home, and St. Joseph was helping to make it happen. But little did we know how obvious he would be about taking credit.

There was one apartment building in downtown Lisle that had open apartments within our price range, but the issue was that they were all one-bedroom. One bedroom? I don’t think so.

But we had resolved to look at a place every week until we found the right spot, so we decided to look at this one. I remember the drive over. Every time we drove to Lisle, it felt like coming home.

We got to the complex and fell in love with our landlady. I had forgotten my mask, but she let that slide, which put us at our ease. And when we saw the apartment...!

It was a large front room, a large bedroom, and a tiny sliver of a fully-furnished kitchen. But the icing on the cake - will you believe it if I tell you that it sat right across the street from a creek called St. Joseph?

And the apartment address itself was St. Joseph Creek Road.

Truly, I say to you, it was so.

We moved in a week and a half later. We divided the bedroom with bookcases, filled the apartment with our books and bookshelves, and hosted our friends so that the large space felt small; and immediately, it became our home.

The Flight House: named for St. Joseph

The dream: to fill our home with community

The vision: to write books, publish podcasts, and discuss beauty... how could we not carry the Flight House name beyond our brief sojourn on St. Joseph Creek road?

This crowdfunding idea was the unifying string that would tie the whole project of moving out and building an intentional life for ourselves together. It carried the beauty of St. Joseph’s patronage forward into our future lives.

FROM THE GROUND UP

That crowdfunding idea is still at the root of the Flight House, but it has also become so much more.

We have added in a course for creators, to teach creation, promotion, and profit.

We have started so many creative ventures: podcasts, videos, books, articles, and more.

We have onboarded Ina Castillo, my friend and podcast companion, as our third member of the Flight House, in our process of slowly building toward 25 members. And the graces that come from her presence have been spilling over into our lives with great abundance! Christ gives us everything we need, and as we encounter each new step in our process of building this from the ground up, we have found that to be true.

The Flight House is fundamentally a training ground. It lays the groundwork to teach how to build community among creatives, develop a devoted following and audience, earn a livable income (even an income capable of supporting a family), and most fundamentally, create quality work on a consistent basis.

Mission Statement:

The Flight House is spearheading the training and promoting of artists for the New Renaissance. At the forefront of Catholic creation, The Flight House is channeling an explosion of Catholic Art.

INVITATION

We would like to invite you to join us in our journey. We have several opportunities for how you can enter with us into this amazing mission.

1. Take our Course

2. Private Coaching

3. Crowdfund us as a Flight House Member

4. Sign up for our email list

January 26, 2021

The Flight House

Mission Statement:

Channeling an explosion of Catholic creativity, The Flight House is spearheading the forefront of training and promoting artists for the New Renaissance.

Structure:

Currently 3 Catholic Creators (eventually will max out at 25) who oversee basic operations of the business, training new creators through the course we are building, engaging with students, and building one another up.

• Elizabeth Russell: Secretary and Co-Founder - Responsible for keeping meeting minutes and itineraries, drafting course, and corresponding with potential students

• Timothy Russell: Treasurer and Co-Founder - Responsible for book-keeping, fine-tuning the course, and keeping track of paperwork.

• Ina Castillo: Content Creator and Marketer - Responsible for instagram marketing, drafting course, and corresponding with potential students

Course:

A three month course to teach creators how to create consistently, promote their work, and profit.

What need do we see?

The world is currently inundated with agenda’d art - art that seeks to convey a message, more than to stand on it’s own two feet. And there are two types of that agenda: Cultural and Christian.

The current culture seeks to teach; and not only to teach, but to indoctrinate the masses into the beliefs that it upholds as most sacred. These three they hold most sacred: the glorification of the individual, subjective sexual morality, and the scientific debunking of religion.

The creation of fine art, film, books, and music all embrace these three sacred social tenants, and sacrifice good story-telling to the justification of those beliefs.

This is a position for which we will not longer stand!

The Christian culture falls into this trap as well, by veering too far to the other extreme. Recognizing the immoral message of the culture, but failing to recognize that art ought not to teach, the Christian world has embraced creation as a medium for spreading its own beliefs. Even though I often happen to agree with those beliefs, I still have difficulty appreciating a work of art that is subjected to an agenda. These people have good hearts and, I have seen with my own eyes, have changed lives. For this, I am grateful to them.

However, for art to exist in this medium is only a slightly better alternative than the cultural agenda. It is not allowing art to live and breath in its own greatest sphere.

Art as it should be

Art is difficult. I will start by admitting this aloud, and then proceed by explaining myself. Art is difficult.

It is difficult in many ways:

• to explain

• to create

• to understand

• to know completely

and this is as it should be. Walter Blythe, in the seventh novel of the Anne of Green Gables series, declares it best: “That is one reason why I like writing poetry - you can say so many things in it that are true in poetry but wouldn’t be true in prose.”

I have felt this with poetry, with story, with music - these things strike us on a deeper level, and if we can sum them up in one unpoetical phrase, then the artist has failed in their creation. If we can subject Pride and Prejudice to the callous summary that it is a book about a man and a woman who hate each other to begin with, but love each other by the end, then why did Austen write Pride and Prejudice in the first place? She could have saved herself so much trouble.

If we can say of Michaelangelo’s David that it is a representation of a God-fearing young man, then why look at it? He could have been spending his time reading 2nd Samuel.

I cannot define art, but I will venture to go this far: it is a seeking after indefinable truths through the lens of beauty, or the lack thereof.

That is a paltry attempt.

I just looked up Oxford Languages definition, and I think it’s pretty good: “Art: 1.

the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.”

I like their inclusion of the words ‘imagination,’ ‘beauty,’ and ‘emotional power.’

The term art may be able to be defined (and like I said, I really like Oxford’s), but the application of it is impossible. Because it is relegated to the imagination, it expands beyond creed, doctrine, or social expectation. To confine it to such ideas is to stifle it. It is imagination that shows us that life is so much broader and richer than the boxes into which we put ourselves, and art applies the imagination, taking that boundlessness and confining, capturing it, using structure, medium, and technique. (Incidentally, this is why I enjoy Catholicism. It, too, though on a separate level, constantly challenges our man-made boxes and structures, all while adhering to basic, unflinching principles that keep us ever striding down the untraveled road.)

The Flight House and Art

My brother and I believe, and Ina agrees with us, that as Catholics, we are all called to be saints, and CAN be saints.

Living our best lives, and living them for Christ, is our own personal path to sanctity. When we are doing that, and intentionally building our own moral imaginations, then I believe in cutting loose with creativity. We do not need to make our art mold itself into a specific idea, and fear leading others down the path of perdition.

The Lord of the Rings is a very good example. Written by a devoutly Catholic man, can we say it has ever converted anyone to Catholicism? Perhaps, one in a million, and I’d love to meet that person, but in general, it is no Mere Christianity. And yet, the world it creates paints a picture of a world that captivates, entrants, awakens imagination, and immerses the reader in beauty. This world is Tolkien’s masterpiece.

Now, I will tell you about a sad thing I once came across. Apparently, there is a society in and around Chicago that dresses in Elf (and other LotR costumes) and meets regularly to discuss Tolkien’s world. So far, not a problem. But you see, they have taken the world structure of Middle Earth and made it a religion for themselves. They have woodland dances, moonlit seances, etc. They genuinely believe that Tolkien took an real ancient religion and coded it into his books. It is this religion that they follow.

Could we, from this last example, build an argument around Tolkien’s work and argue that he should never have written it, because it has led to this sin?

Most definitely. We could definitely build that argument. But I don’t think we should.

It’s not that the good outweighs the bad - that’s a whole other argument that I’m not going to get into right now. But rather, that Tolkien did nothing wrong in letting his imagination run free. We was creating.

If we say Tolkien should not have created because it led to sin, then we must say God should never have created, because it led to sin.

No more putting “shoulds” and barriers on Catholic and Christian creation. By creating within the freedoms of who we are striving to be, we can create great work, even if our own lives are not perfect, our skill is not perfect, and our creation is not perfect. Even as we accept that we are limited, we embrace that imagination is not. We are not responsible, in imaginative creation, to convert others. We are only responsible for creating.

In Summary

The Flight House is spearheading this movement away from agenda’d art, and into a New Renaissance of beauty, as an overflow of the moral imagination. I see this overflow happening all around me. In grassroots, devout Catholic circles, Tolkien, Chesterton, George MacDonald, C. S. Lewis, T. S. Eliot, and many more, have fertilized a soil of young people who are yearning for beauty. Not finding it in the culture around them, their own minds have become the gardens in which they are building a new world of richness and depth.

I want to help cultivate that garden. I want to help bring beauty to life: Let’s help these artists’ work reach their audiences, inspire the world, and transform culture!

January 26, 2021

What is my vision for my life this year?

• Learn discipline

• Take risks

• Kneel outside churches

• Pray for the re-prioritization of our country, world, and Church

On Medicine, Science, Faith, and Mindset - Part 3

Begun in Part 1…

and continued from Part 2…

Can we learn from the Eastern and New Age Philosophies, and if so, is that knowledge worth the risk?

As I said above, we need to breakdown the mindset that our understanding of something is the full picture - the thing itself, and this applies to the human body, energy healing, and opinions by ‘experts.’

In my opinion, ‘experts’ receive far too much credit. Again, we are still at the stage that we know things only through their effects, not in themselves. We cannot see energy in the body, but we feel the effects, both when we are drained, and when full energy is restored. I have felt this both before and after energy healing techniques, such as taking vitamins, lying on a mat that gives off certain wave lengths, and writing out 10 gratitudes in the morning. And I have felt the negative effects, such as sitting beside a phone with bluetooth on, pushing my physical boundaries, and taking an epsom salt bath (which is healing, but drains me first).

Science is looking to catch up with this viewpoint, and has made progress there, but it is still a highly debatable topic. Most of the modern world would like to view the body as a manipulatable machine, rather than a growing organism that needs to be coaxed with gentle hands.

But since this is an unknown arena, scientifically speaking, shouldn’t we just wait until science has entirely caught up, before exposing ourselves to such a seemingly dangerous idea?

But I ask, what is dangerous about it? As I said, no one can manipulate the soul directly, not even Satan. If spirits are being called upon in the activity, then CLEAR OUT. There’s no reason to be there.

But if that is not the case, as it is not for many chiropractors, counselors, acupuncturists, massage therapists, and homeopathy doctors, then what is the harm in letting people pursue it? It may not be how God has laid out the world, and we are interacting with it as if up is down, but we will probably figure that out pretty quickly. And if we are inverting gravity, what then? Behaving as though our feet are being pulled to earth will still be helpful, even if we ever discover that gravity comes from our heads being pushed to the ground, just as behaving as though the earth is flat really helps most people plot out a map from Chicago to Geneva.

Conclusion

Again, I realize this is incredibly long. I didn’t realize I had so much to say on the topic until I began to address it. This has been very helpful for me to organize my thoughts, so thank you for your patience! I hope you at least found it interesting, and worthy of sparking many more conversations.

God bless you, my beautiful dear!

Elizabeth

On Medicine, Science, Faith, and Mindset - Part 2

Continued from Part 1…

Mind, open and closed

Chesterton once said, “Merely having an open mind is nothing. The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.”

I have a theory that we are only asked to close our minds on truths that challenge us to expand our understanding of the universe, our place in it, and God.

For example, “I am loved by God.”

This is a truth that I have chosen to close my mind upon. It opens a world of deeper understanding into myself and brings peace.

But a dangerous idea to close one’s mind upon would be this: “I do not believe in eating rice.”

This is a truth that does not expand my world. Indirectly, since I believe I have an allergy to rice, it may appear to do so. It relieves me of eczema at night, and occasional stomach-aches. But it is not important enough to turn into a belief, and when I heal of my allergy, I will still believe it wrong to eat rice. (We actually see this with many people in the Vegan community, who believe it is morally wrong to eat gluten. They have taken an approach to health, and made it their god.)

Even the belief, which I mentioned above, about the earth not being the center of the solar system because the earth actually revolves around the sun, has been challenged recently in the wake of Einstein’s theory of the Relativity of Motion.

Since all motion is relative, there is a theory gaining ground that it is possible that the earth, even though it revolves around the sun, is actually the center of the ever-expanding universe.

This belief, whether true or not, is not dangerous. And yet, it’s shocking, because we are so conditioned to believe that the earth is NOT the center of anything - except the moon’s orbit. Such an innocuous idea can seem dangerous, because it challenges our beliefs.

We Cannot Know: The Thing Itself

As a society, we need to breakdown the mindset that our understanding of something is the full picture - the thing itself. We are still at the stage that we know things only through their effects, not in themselves. We will never reach the point where we know things ‘in themselves.’ Such an idea is reserved for glorified humanity. And the problem is that acedemia in general sees itself, the modern man (& Womyn) as glorified humanity. They have imminentized the eschaton.

The Demonic

There is one last point I want to cover here, and that is the realm of the demonic:

Uncertainty

A prevalent question that haunted my mind for a long time was, “What if I do something in medicine that I don’t know is demonic? What if it was actually unscientific, and then I get possessed, or cursed, or displease God?”

This is a dangerous fear, most notably because it breeds inaction, but also for other reasons, which I will address in a moment. The other one similar to this is, “What if I recommend this thing that I like, but which I do not know if it is scientific, and I lead another person to something that is not of God? What if I bear the loss of their soul?”

My experience with the demonic

I’m going to be honest: even talking about this topic makes me uncomfortable….

….Writing that led me to release a peaceful breath.

I have been haunted by these fears all my life, and have had to intentionally sort through them. My mother was scrupulous about the demonic, namely because she had an encounter as a young girl. While playing with a Ouji board for the first time at a friend’s birthday party, when she was still in middle school, demons took hold of the letter piece and began to move it around the board without any of the girls touching it. It spelled out, “Die, Jenny.” Needless to say, my mother was terrified.

I know this is disturbing, but bear with me.

The girls were all scared, and told the mother of the house about it. But she just laughed it off. She did not believe things like that really happened, and most of the girls seemed to forget about it after that. But my mother did not.

She was scared, and she has continued to be spooked by that event her entire life. While she put her trust in the Lord in most matters, she failed to see where she was not putting her trust in Him in this one area: that she was very afraid of physical things that are associated with witchcraft, false gods, or satanism. She believed that by encountering such things, she would allow Satan influence on her household, family, and life.

Satan only has as much power over us as the power we give him

What my mom failed to realize, along with most Catholics, is that those things have no more power than we give them. They cannot influence our life directly, and certainly cannot veer it off the path that God has set for us. Only we can do that, through our own free will.

God told Satan, concerning Job, “Very well, all that he has is in your power; only do not stretch out your hand against him!” He says this to Satan concerning ALL of us. Satan’s power is limited.

By Jesus’s death and resurrection, He has given us powerful tools for fighting Satan. And we do have to fight him. I do not wish to be misunderstood, for he has power.

But so do we.

Ephesians 6: 11-17

“Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.”

To enter into the demonic, it must be with intentionality, or because we are living an ungodly life.

We cannot face witchcraft, or even the vestiges of it, without placing ourselves first under the protection of God. But once we have done that, nothing can come between Him and us. No matter the attacks, haunts, or curses that fly at us, God has us carefully concealed in Him, and he is INFINITELY more powerful than Satan.

Dancing and alcohol have been seen as automatically demonic

What I want to stress here has to do with the fact that, sometimes, things are labelled as automatically demonic, such as dancing, alcohol, Ouji boards, decks of cards, and dream catchers.

The problem with that approach is that no physical object is inherently evil. It is the human intention behind the object that carries evil inside itself, and adopts the object into its sphere of influence.

Just as a priest can bless water to turn it into a powerful sacramental, so a witch can curse an object to turn it into a weapon. However, Satan is far less powerful than God. God’s blessing is infinitely more powerful than the curse, and while we still may wage war with the witch and the object, the object cannot endanger our soul. It cannot even endanger our health, body, mind, or property, unless God so allows it.

So long as we are in a state of grace, receiving the sacraments consistently, and speaking with God daily, we are in no danger. In fact, we are in a state worthy of great rejoicing!

If, however, we treat an object as powerful in and of itself... if we see a Ouji board as capable, by the very presence of it, of conjuring evil against us, then we have allowed fear to rule our minds, and to cast out the peace of God. Ouji boards may have been cursed - it depends on who made them - but their real evil lies in the human intention of summoning spirits. As human beings, we do not summon spirits. We have dominion only over the earth. The spiritual world is not at our beck and call, for it is filled only with beings possessed of free will. Therefore, it is wrong for us to treat it like a dog we can call to us at our leisure. And it is dangerous, because some of those beings are evil, and they will answer us only to turn around and use their will against ours.

Finally, if we see truly innocuous things like dancing or alcohol as inherent evils, then we will only interact with them in an  intentionally evil manner. And that is on us.

We are not responsible for what we do not know

Finally, we are not responsible for what we do not know. If something has, or has had, evil attached to it, then that is a pity. We should bless it with holy water, and move on. And if it is something wherein the very intention behind it is wrong, then we should avoid entering into that intentionality. But until we discover evil of something, it is our responsibility as lords of this earth to discover what is good about it, and how its existence enriches life about us.

Many things, such as dancing, are beautiful, when approached with the right intention. And it is not our responsibility to know everything. Such a burden would wear us down. Such a responsibility makes us scrupulous. We are called to be like eager children, looking about for beauty and new ideas, all while staying close to the safe protection of our father’s legs.

The New Age

This brings me to the New Age Movement. Like anything that is entered into by human beings, there can be found here both the good and the bad.

The New Age made use of, and still makes use of, practices, ideas, and physical objects that are not evil in and of themselves, but which they approached with a very dangerous mindset: the idea that we can control our spiritual natures.

They took something innocuous, like healing the body’s energy field (which is not a spiritual aspect, but a physical one, since energy and physical matter convert into and out of one another), and made it spiritual. They thought that energy was the soul, and to heal one’s energy elevated the soul above the body.

This is a radically heretical viewpoint.

Most insidious of all, this thought about energy is not new. Eastern spirituality has embraced it for millennia, and it is, therefore, much more difficult to dig out than a new sapling of an idea.

What is good about it?

There are good things that came out of the New Age movement. In a time when the entire world was veering away from the spiritual (in medicine, religion, homelife, etc.), a group of people recognized that this was wrong. They asked how they could build up their spiritual self, and do so in an integrated way.

Many Catholics fear this viewpoint, because they fear the New Age. But this is a basic tenant of what it means to be human: to live an integrated lifestyle.

However, the founders of the New Age movement, rather than discovering the full truth of integrated healing within the Catholic Church and ancient Western Tradition (for it is far more difficult to find things buried in our past, than in our neighbor’s backyard), found Eastern practices that focused on the soul, and this was the birth of the New Age.

Yet even these practices that they found in the East were not wholly wrong.

What is our intention?

Those who have bad intentions can still stumble across truths. Those who, in eastern culture, sought to elevate the spirit above the body, still found means by which to bring peace to their patient’s mind and heart. They healed the WHOLE person, a practice much more prevalent in ancient western and eastern practices than in the modern western world, in ways that made the soul FEEL better, and thus believed they were directly healing and influencing the soul.

But again, I want to stress that no one but the self and God can touch the soul, unless by an indirect route. Not even Satan.

Concluded in Part 3…

On the Relationship between Medicine, Science, and Faith - Part 1

[Originally written as a letter to a friend]

My dear friend,

I want to encourage you, even as you rejoice in the progress you have made so far, not to give up on full healing.

Before, you probably thought this current level of healing you have reached was impossible. But you HAVE achieved it! There is always more healing possible for us, even if we are not actively seeking it, or if it will not come until the New Heaven and the New Earth.

My Philosophy

Before I address any more of your specific concerns on medicine, brain re-wiring, and modern science, I would like to begin by laying out my own philosophy and approach when it comes to medicine, science, faith, and mindset, for it is radically different from the typical approach, and I want to avoid any confusion that could arise from talking at cross-purposes.

It’s longer than I had intended, so I ask that after you read it, you give yourself 48 hours or so to sit with it, and maybe skim through it again before responding. And if you could respond in a way that clarifies and asks questions, that would be helpful as well. I want to get to the point where we are debating, but I want to make sure we are on the same page in understanding each other, before we go there. I hope that makes sense?

What I lay out here are beliefs I have come to after asking myself for years these same questions that you are now grappling with.

• “Who can I trust?”

• “How can I know that what I am experiencing is true, or trustworthy?”

• “How can I know who to believe?”

Please do not take anything I say here personally. It was important for my own sake to write this out, because I need to understand my own mind, and the conclusions I have been coming to lately, in science, medicine, religion, and belief.

Fruit first, science last

Personally, I believe in judging a thing more on the merits of its fruit, then the credentials of the person behind it, or the scientific basis of its use.

Not that credentials don’t matter - they do, but only up to a point. Experience and results mean more.

Not that science doesn’t matter - it does, but again, only to a point. Science is a human institution, which ought to be guided by an open-minded curiosity and willingness to be confronted by inconvenient truths. Also, waiting to know that something is true scientifically before trying it, is a dangerous practice. It gives science more power than it ought to have, and puts doubt on the validity of personal experience and common sense.

I think it is a fallacy in our modern age to equate knowing why a thing is useful, to knowing that it is useful.

Can we ever fully know?

We are fallen human beings, who are born into this world with limited understanding, so that we can cultivate that understanding and grow. We are not animals with instincts that rule our actions. We have developed science as a tool for learning and discovering, and this has been very helpful in intellectual pursuit. However, it is fundamentally a fallible system, as it depends on fallible human beings.

The Four Humors, neuro-science

You have mentioned before that the four humors and the studies of neuroscience have been disproven, and therefore you find the use of mindset and Hildegard’s medicine suspect. But I’m afraid I must challenge that belief.

Hildegard did not base her science, medicine, and philosophy on the PROOF of the four humors. She based it on the evidence - and the evidence she observed has not changed. For example, we can say that it is now PROVEN that the sun does not revolve around the earth, but that does not follow that the evidence of our everyday life has changed: the sun still rises and sets around the earth, and knowing that this is not strictly the case does not change how we, as human beings, relate to the sun on a day to day basis.

In the same way, to say the four humors has been disproven, and therefore all of Hildegard’s medicine is suspect, seems hasty.

Doctors are not a new invention, but modern history likes to paint them in the light of the only ‘real’ doctors that have ever existed. But the truth of the matter is that, while we have many new inventions that give us insight into the microscopic world of the human body, we have lost the ‘whole’ approach to the human person.

St. Luke was a doctor, as well as Hildegard of Bingen. They both would have used what most today consider ‘outmoded’ methods of medicine, and yet, I firmly believe, that they both were able to affect real healing in their patients. Their science was off, but their approach to the human person, rooted as it must have been in the truth of God’s creation, led them to discover methods and means to heal.

Can anything ever ever truly be disproven?

It is very easy to prove that a leaf exists - you only need one instance of seeing it to accept its reality. But to prove the existence of something unseen is much for difficult, unless you rely on the evidence of it’s affects upon the world. You would have quite a time proving that an alien existed, because you cannot see their effects upon the earth, but to prove the wind is much easier: simply step outside on a gusty day.

Can the mind wire itself? Can DNA heal itself? Can positive thinking evoke MORE than a simple chemical response - can it actually be biological?

The problem with these questions is that modern science has put on blinders.

We KNOW the human person is capable of great healing. I have experienced it, as have many other people.

Science, however - an institution created by fallen humankind - states that, unless we have observed something 1 million times, and can affirm that each result was not too different from other results, it is the truth. And since we have not yet observed the interior of the human person healing itself 1 Million times through a positive mindset, we cannot call it real science.

The scientific method is helpful, but it is not the final word.

Science can only dissect, but the evidence of a life well and joyfully lived speaks, in my opinion, far more eloquently than any microscope.

The whole person

And truly, treating the whole person is what ought to be the goal of science, and any other branch of knowledge. Why does medicine, physics, chemistry, biology, etc, exist, unless to know as much about one area of life as possible, and then to admit that it has exhausted itself, and can only contain so much of the whole picture of life.

Mind, body, soul... they are so integral, that we can only separate them in a superficial way. We can say, “I eat to be healthy, pray to be holy, and read to be smart.” But if we only read, our minds suffer. And if we only eat, our souls are lost.

G. K. Chesterton once said, “Never deny, rarely affirm, always distinguish.”

My goal here is not to affirm or deny any truths, but rather to show that I am open, ragardless of the generally accepted conclusions of modern science, to other truths, and to demonstrate why this is so. It can appear, at first glance, that I am denying the legitimacy of science, but I want to defend my case, and show that this is far from the truth. Rather, I do not want to put science as the first test of truth.

Science is what we decide it is, and it is prone to human error

Science is prone to human error, being a practice based solely on human research, and results interpreted by human beings. I treat with fascination, but careful detachment, any results discovered by atheists. I believe we can learn from what they do and study, but that we should never treat their results as the final word on which to close our minds.

Our modern society is very confused on many topics: metaphysics, faith, religion, the dignity of the human person, marriage, family, government... and numerous other matters. To close our minds and ears to where medicine and science are involved is dangerous. It opens us to believing things that should NOT be believed. Therefore, concerning generally accepted facts, I want to give a word of caution. We have a society that believes masturbation, homo-sexuality, and abortion are scientifically good and healthy. And they are seeking ways, through science, to justify these beliefs.

In addition, our society proclaims itself open-minded and debate-oriented, but more often than not, if a theory comes forward that challenges the common narrative, the person, in addition to the idea, is attacked.

If they must not only disprove the theory, but also discredit the theorist, it means that the theory put forward, correct or not, endangers thier generally-accepted scientific law. It shuts the door on the ability of opposing opinions to act as counter-balances to new ideas.

Expelled - This video shows how those who have legitimate theories (intelligent design of the universe) are, in massive numbers, attacked and expelled from scientific circles.

Continued in Part 2…

January 15, 2021

Dear St. Joseph

Thank you for working with us and guiding us on this journey. We ask you to guide and lead us in the direction that you want us to go. Help us to convey your spirit of dedication to your carpentry into our own work, and the mindset and work of those we teach, influence, and inspire.

Be our General in this effort to spearhead Catholic Creativity in the 21st century. Amen.

December 16, 2020

Dear St. Joseph,

I bring you Flight House. Who are we that God has called us to do this thing?

All I have done is open myself to his call, and to my desires. My true desires - those which rest firmly on my heart.

Your desire was to wed Mary - to join with her in a life of holiness in the Lord, in preparing for the Messiah. In ways beyond your dreams, God granted that desire. And how it frightened you!

All you did was open yourself to His will, and then He flooded your heart, your life, your soul.

Teach me your insights. How did you step into the joy of the Lord’s plan? Teach me how to live each moment as a moment, how to provide financially for our endeavors, and how to bring everything to the Lord, and listen to His voice.

Patron of Flight House, patron of the Flight into Egypt, I entrust us into your care. Pray for us.

Amen.

December 8, 2020

Dear Mother Mary,

On this your day of days, with love in my heart, I come before you as your child, asking you to reveal to my heart your immaculate plan.

I have experienced great difficulty thus far in attending Mass, receiving Our Lord, praying the Rosary daily, and honoring your day.

Recognizing that our God is a God of mercy, I have relied on His graces to fill these negligences, and allow for grace in spite of my difficulties. But I do not want to presume.

Please Mother, wipe away any presumption on my part. Make me pure, holy, and dedicated to honoring your dignity.

Mother, I do not want to be angry on your day. I do not want to attend a church that I feel dishonors you in the celebration of its mysteries. Mother, it fills me with ire, bitterness, and angry tears.

Please release me from this anger. Mother, please fill me with your wisdom, continual mental prayer, heroic patience, profound humility, blind obedience, and mortification in all things. Amen.

November 3, 2020

So many women, especially my age or a little older, in their early thirties, do not believe they are called to marriage. They actually reach a point where they think God did not intend them to get married. They don’t even feel called to religious life, they just don’t feel called to marriage. And I think that there is such a massive pain that they are not seeing - as if marriage is a unique calling.
And culture has programmed our subconscious to believe this.

October 29, 2020

In prayer, I heard the Lord promise to send me “A Man After My Own Heart.” [Meaning HIS heart]

Blessed is she who believed that what was spoken to her by the Lord would be fulfilled...

Psalm Searching:

So, I have delved into the Psalms, to see what they have to say about the nature of “A Man After My Own Heart.”

• He rests in the Lord

• He recognizes the hand of the Lord in all things

• His defense is in the Lord

• He believes the Lord’s promises, even against evidence to the contrary

• He respects what is sacred to and consecrated to the Lord

• He hates evil

• He is beloved by the Lord

• He is justified in the Lord

• He cultivates the depths of his heart

• He proclaims the glory of God

• He turns to the Lord in times of distress

• He converses with the Lord

• He holds the Lord accountable to His promises

• He knows, understands, and accepts God’s love for him

• He attributes all victories to the Lord

• He dances with abandon before the Lord

• He rests in the Lord like a child in it’s mother’s arms

• He keeps violence for the Lord to deliver

• He is patient

• He loves the Lord

• He is guided by the Lord

• He accepts the Lord’s chastisement

• He is redeemed in the Lord

• He sings to the Lord

• He is preserved by the Lord

• God is his rock and refuge

• He accepts that he is transitory, and God is eternal

• He praises the Lord in times of tribulation

• He is wise, and heeds the love of the Lord

• To be near God is his Happiness

• He accepts that all that is good in himself was created for God’s sake

• He grapples with large questions

• His trust is in the Lord

• He worships nothing false

• He knows the Lord hears and answers his prayers

• He obeys God

• All his hope is in the Lord

• He walks with ever-growing strength

• He cries aloud in anguish of heart

• He is saved

• He prays in the morning

• He is pure of heart

• He learns to sit still

• He is dust

• He is not repayed according to his sins

• He faces death all day long for the Lord

• He imagines

• He never neglects the Lord’s commands

• He is upright

• He is the Lord’s servant

• He does everything the Lord wants him to do

October 29, 2020

How can I serve you?

A close friend recently told me, “I love how your apartment has a revolving doors policy.”

So do I! But it’s not the physical doors themselves that I want to stay open - it’s the internal attitude of INVITATION.

This has been the theme on my heart recently.

Invitation has to do with opening your heart and home to others, to really inviting them to enter and authentically encounter one another. To be nourished in a space of intentional friendship, accountability, and growth.

And yet, invitation scares me. Invitation is a deeply personal revealing of our inner selves. In the past, when someone didn’t accept an invitation, I felt personally rejected. So to protect myself, I started expecting people to say “no” to coming over. In fact, I started wanting them to say no.

In my pride, which was masking my insecurity, I believed that their ‘no’ meant that I had done my part in inviting them, but had been let off the hook of actually having to interact any further. It meant I did not have to reveal the inner parts of myself.

How uninviting! I yearned for deep connection, but didn’t know how to make it.

I desired intentional friendship, but didn’t know how to give it.

Now, I’m learning. Now, I have chosen to walk intentionally into friendships. To learn from others when they pursue deep connection.

October 15, 2020

Something I’ve heard a lot, and that is really starting to get under my skin, is the phrase “I’m so glad you found something that excites you.” I hear this when I tell people about woman school, about Dressing My Truth, and even about books I read. Doesn’t matter if the thing is expensive, inexpensive, or free, many people give me the response: “I’m so glad for you. Thanks for the invite, but no thank you to more info.” As if it was about me. If they think that’s why I’m sharing, then they’ve missed the entire point! But I know that’s not what they think. It’s the polite way of actually saying, “No thank you. I don’t trust that what you’re offering will actually improve my life.”

I’m not sharing my story so that they can be happy for me. It’s nice if they’re happy for me. But that’s not the point. We have this attitude in our culture of “You have your thing, and that’s nice, and I’d love to hear about it someday. And I have my thing, it’s separate from yours, and when I see you, I’ll tell you the highlights.” But meanwhile, where are our hearts?

If we don’t trust that the things that are good for our friends are also good for us, then why are we friends with them? Where is the fruit of this friendship? If we can’t help each other, then who can we help? This isn’t about me - it’s about you! It’s about what I can do to serve you. We’re not living in separate bubbles. This isn’t about picking out our favorite pieces of pie. “I’ll eat apple pie, and that’s good for me, but you eat pumpkin, because that’s good for you.” No! Let’s teach our friends to like apple pie and pumpkin pie both! Let’s share our experiences of what we love! Let’s be open to letting other people share their lives with us. If we don’t have time for that, then what are we doing with ourselves? We’re just picking and choosing the little things that we’re comfortable letting into our lives. We don’t want our friends inviting us too deeply into their‘s, because then we might just get drained, and have nothing more to give. “What if I look deeper into this person, and I found that there was nothing more to them?” “What I have, what I’m using now, is good enough for me. I’m still alive, and I even enjoy myself most of the time. Why do I need to add what you have in your life to my routine?” These are our internal thoughts. These are our habits.

If someone offers to help us, we say no easily. But if someone asks for help, we feel guilty. Where is the logic in this? Where is the health in this?

And I’m not standing on a pulpit, preaching this down at others. I’m just as guilty of it. It’s been something I’ve been consciously rewiring in myself for months now. This habit of renouncing recommendations before I’ve even looked into them; of just assuming I won’t like the TV show, book, journal, or place that someone is inviting me to experience. What if I end up wasting my time? What if I expose myself to something evil by accident? What if I just don’t have time, and once I start to give, then the other person will never stop taking? These are our fears. These are my fears.

Now, when someone recommends something, I do my absolute best to follow up on it. To read the prayer book, use the journal. And you know what? There has been no robbery in my life. Even when I find I don’t enjoy the material, I still always get something out of it. I find I have more time to do things now, more friends I am making, and more happiness in my everyday moments. And I’m not saying this so you can say, “Oh, that’s nice for you!” When I allow others to invite me into their life, my life explodes into a glorious array of color! When I admire another person and choose them as my friend, there is no personality difference, lifestyle choice, or geographical distance that can keep us from sharing our hearts, our loves, and our growth!

August 2, 2020

For years I only allowed myself to enjoy and appreciate well written literature. I tried to parse it down and identify what it was that made it so enticing, like a molecule under a microscope, so that I could appreciate and emulate the truth within. I struggled to see goodness apparent in itself, and trusted the word and opinions of others only. If something had been deemed great, I read it to find out why it was great. If no one had told me that it was great, I did not bother to pursue it. I was afraid of being exposed to the wrong types of ideas, because I wanted the ideas I was experiencing to be perfect. But really, all the while, I was seeking something which literature can never satisfy.

I wanted books, the culmination of western thought and human imagination, to solidify into the answers for my existence. I wanted to learn my purpose, to understand God and the universe, and to experience beauty in its purest sense. By placing these expectations on the medium, I found myself lost in platonic forms: seeking something ephemeral in something physical.

My appreciation for what was imperfect lessened, and I enjoyed books less and less. I found them constantly disappointing – whether it was the language, the flow, the plot, the characters, or, most importantly, the ideas inherent in the work. Or rather, I should say lack of answers inherent in the conclusions. I was unsatisfied with the questions being asked, but more than that, I wanted answers. And I felt like I wasn’t finding them.

I felt like people were keeping a secret from me - a secret I had to discover and find out and all these books and books and words and words that have been written since man first learned to make drawings on the wall of a cave - what secret did they know that eluded me? How did they find the motivation, and the inspiration, to live, to create, and to love? I have been told the answers were in books, and that I must be ever seeking after answers, but I’ve been taught that the answers may never be found. That they elude us as often as we ask them. That we can never find more wholeness than what we currently have. And yet, in some strange way, these books had the answers I was looking for. The fault was not in them. To speak truly and honestly, it was in me. As I sought the answers in the books, I neglected my own heart. I neglected to hope for answers, and simply despaired, while continuing to push through and read. I must appear to be searching, I felt, even as I have already despaired of reaching the end of my journey.

Books give us the insight into life that we might otherwise never glean, but they only do so when I open my heart to applying the principles to my inner self. And my heart is not an anomaly. I am not denied the answers, set apart from other men - I am a human person, created with an intellect, a will, and a desire to know the truth. Just because I may never know the fullness of truth entirely does not mean the truth is beyond my grasp. New truth is waiting for me not around some far distant corner or between the covers of some academic text, poem, or novel: it is, and always has been, in the inner chambers, the little whispers, and the persistent naggings of my own heart.

I resolve now, and for the rest of my life, to continue to ask questions, but never again to despair of finding the answers. The Lord is a God of knowledge and understanding, and his grace is poured out richly upon those who are willing to open their hearts humbly to his healing grace.

June 30, 2020

The bird kept chirping outside my window, as if in response to my hiccuping sobs. I wanted to pick up paper to write about it, this contrast between something beautiful and lively, and someone so lonely, but the thought of taking action was painful. I knew that to hold the pen would hurt my wearied, trembling fingers; to find a place to write would be inconvenient, and the whole process of looking for a pad of paper was too overwhelming to consider. Instead I was kept bowed, broken, in my chair.

After a while, my sobs cease, but the chirping of the bird increased. He had never been chirping for me in the first place. Nature was indifferent to me, as removed from me as if it could not care that I existed. But although I was removed from it, I cared very much. I wanted to be appreciative – engaging in it – but I was stuck inside, cold, lying in bed… I’m too tired to eat the food I just finished heating up.

But I knew that the longer I waited to eat, the worse I would feel.

There is a series of chapters in the Brothers Karamazov that begin with ‘lacerations at’. They talk about all the places where Alyosha receives pain to his heart - lacerations - that cut him open and tear at his sensitive soul. I would title this episode of my life: ‘lacerations at my brother’s.’

There is a desolation in the realization that a place that you considered a sanctuary is in fact a desert. That a place you thought you could escape to was really a desolate place. I want my weak body to be OK with the fact that there is no table at which to eat, no hot water to bathe in, no couch to sit on, no regular bed to lounge on. I want my body to accept that cast-iron pans are not from the devil, and that large 2 gallon jars of milk are not a cruel invention created by sadistic people.

But you see, it hurts me to hold my whole bowl of soup in my hands and I need a table to put it on. It hurts me to sit in wicker chairs and I need a couch to curl up on. My whole body is in pain all the time, and the only thing that takes it away is a bath of hot water. But the only way I can get it is to boil gallons of water on the stove and carry them across the expanse of the apartment - all the while making myself weaker and shakier, and more and more increasing my pain. The 2 gallon jar of milk is so heavy that I spill as much as I pour into my glass. And the cast iron pans are so heavy and bulky that they are impossible for me to lift and clean.

I wanted to come keep my brother company, but I did not account for all these things that bring me pain. I did not account for the fact that I would be miserable. And the bottom line is, that he does not much care about having me here. He cares more for the friend who just returned from college, with whom he spent his birthday evening, and went to lunch without me. If he really wanted me here, now or at another time, he would do his upmost to make the environment comfortable – ready for me, and for my mother. But that is not his concern. He is living his life, three hours from my home. He left, and perhaps he does not want to be with us unless he chooses to come back, which he does from time to time. Although it is impossible for me to spend quality time with him at those times, for we are surrounded by many people and conversation is not possible amongst the small children. I am alone anyway, and I need to stop being desperate to retain those people who I thought would be there for me - no matter what.

June 24, 2020

Jesus, why does enforcing the requirement to wear a mask scare me so much?

We have become a faceless country. Jesus, I am angry! This is not a political issue, or a medical issue, or a race issue - it is a human issue.

We are human beings with faces, with courage, with souls. We are not dying by the thousands - we are being led, by thousands, like sheep to the slaughter with no concern for our hearts, spiritual nourishment, or need for community.

We are communal people, created for fellowship, love, joy, and celebration! Jesus you created us for celebration.

March 23, 2020

Returning to College as a More Mature Me

I had a dream last night that I had just returned to my senior year of college, but this time with all the confidence and knowledge and world experience that I have now. Always before, and I dream a lot about going back to school, my dreams have been filled with stress and the feeling of being completely out of my depth. But this is the first time I dreamt that I could handle whatever I encountered. I dreamt that my first stop in returning to school was to check out my upcoming class schedule and sit down and make a plan. What a novel idea! Every other year I went to school, I did not make a plan with my schedule. I always flew by the seat of my pants. At the beginning of classes, I was more interested in spending social time with my classmates than with getting a handle on what I was going to be studying. In the dream, I was even interacting with adults on a peer-to-peer level which I never would’ve done in real life. I would’ve considered that terrifying and disrespectful - even when I was 22 years old.

My life would have been so much easier, I now realize, if I had just done these few things:

• Had less scrupulosity in activities

• Had more self-confidence in relationships

• Had less anxiety with food and class

• Had more honest interaction with me and the adults around me

• Worried less over everybody else’s state of mental health and emotional functioning.

A part of me wishes I could go back and take on my school years as the self-possessed person I am now. How much easier my life could’ve been! How much calmer and more peaceful, filled with grace and purpose. I would’ve known better how to study, how to react to other people‘s judgments, and how to not go crazy on a campus where we were more or less quarantined in the winter months. (We lived at the top of mountain, and very few students had cars. We were too small a school to have a bus, and even if we had one, the nearest town was 20 minutes away. Being stuck inside with snow in the ground feels eerily familiar.)

But that’s not how life works. We don’t get to skip the hard parts. If I did, I wouldn’t appreciate the progress I have made, because I won’t have known how difficult it could’ve been. These good moments come to us, emerge for us, out of the confusion and immaturity that existed before because we knew we had to get better. It is our very brokenness that challenges us to overcome our broken parts.

I am relieved that my subconscious mind, at least, got to revisit a place that was a source of so much anxiety for me, and got to do so without that anxiety. In a way, that is the closest I will ever get to reclaiming that time and confusion of young adult me. It’s nice to know that we can continue to grow and develop and gain more tools for life, even if that knowledge comes to us only through a dream.

March 17, 2020

Dear Saint Patrick, we invoke your aid on our church, country, and world in this time of global crisis. As you drove out the snakes of paganism from Ireland, please drive out the illness and fear that is raging across the continents.

Fill us with the peace of Christ and the good news that you spread throughout Ireland about God’s mercy and love. May the rapid spread of this disease decrease to the extent that we will be able to have Mass on Easter Sunday. Help us to put our trust in God, and turn to him and him alone in our fear and anxiety. We ask all this through Jesus’s name, Amen.

Saint Patrick, pray for us