October 15, 2020
Something I’ve heard a lot, and that is really starting to get under my skin, is the phrase “I’m so glad you found something that excites you.” I hear this when I tell people about woman school, about Dressing My Truth, and even about books I read. Doesn’t matter if the thing is expensive, inexpensive, or free, many people give me the response: “I’m so glad for you. Thanks for the invite, but no thank you to more info.” As if it was about me. If they think that’s why I’m sharing, then they’ve missed the entire point! But I know that’s not what they think. It’s the polite way of actually saying, “No thank you. I don’t trust that what you’re offering will actually improve my life.”
I’m not sharing my story so that they can be happy for me. It’s nice if they’re happy for me. But that’s not the point. We have this attitude in our culture of “You have your thing, and that’s nice, and I’d love to hear about it someday. And I have my thing, it’s separate from yours, and when I see you, I’ll tell you the highlights.” But meanwhile, where are our hearts?
If we don’t trust that the things that are good for our friends are also good for us, then why are we friends with them? Where is the fruit of this friendship? If we can’t help each other, then who can we help? This isn’t about me - it’s about you! It’s about what I can do to serve you. We’re not living in separate bubbles. This isn’t about picking out our favorite pieces of pie. “I’ll eat apple pie, and that’s good for me, but you eat pumpkin, because that’s good for you.” No! Let’s teach our friends to like apple pie and pumpkin pie both! Let’s share our experiences of what we love! Let’s be open to letting other people share their lives with us. If we don’t have time for that, then what are we doing with ourselves? We’re just picking and choosing the little things that we’re comfortable letting into our lives. We don’t want our friends inviting us too deeply into their‘s, because then we might just get drained, and have nothing more to give. “What if I look deeper into this person, and I found that there was nothing more to them?” “What I have, what I’m using now, is good enough for me. I’m still alive, and I even enjoy myself most of the time. Why do I need to add what you have in your life to my routine?” These are our internal thoughts. These are our habits.
If someone offers to help us, we say no easily. But if someone asks for help, we feel guilty. Where is the logic in this? Where is the health in this?
And I’m not standing on a pulpit, preaching this down at others. I’m just as guilty of it. It’s been something I’ve been consciously rewiring in myself for months now. This habit of renouncing recommendations before I’ve even looked into them; of just assuming I won’t like the TV show, book, journal, or place that someone is inviting me to experience. What if I end up wasting my time? What if I expose myself to something evil by accident? What if I just don’t have time, and once I start to give, then the other person will never stop taking? These are our fears. These are my fears.
Now, when someone recommends something, I do my absolute best to follow up on it. To read the prayer book, use the journal. And you know what? There has been no robbery in my life. Even when I find I don’t enjoy the material, I still always get something out of it. I find I have more time to do things now, more friends I am making, and more happiness in my everyday moments. And I’m not saying this so you can say, “Oh, that’s nice for you!” When I allow others to invite me into their life, my life explodes into a glorious array of color! When I admire another person and choose them as my friend, there is no personality difference, lifestyle choice, or geographical distance that can keep us from sharing our hearts, our loves, and our growth!