Desires Inside

Nervousness, and trembling flowing over

Why the insecurities under

my beating heart, my blanking mind,

my rushing through impossible time?

I’ve switched from wanting to be with him

to wanting to avoid.

Feels like a chore you know,

to face the desires inside.

Desires and feelings

are invitations,

beckonings,

to better know ourselves

And what more is there to know?

I’m still in love with him.

A man who avoids

emotional confrontations.

Who wants life

to be mere pleasantations,

yet dreams of violent, passionate emotions.

Am I the one that needs to grow?

Is my own heart sealed, blocked?

I let in a phantom, a hope, a promise-

the real man stands without.

alone, he cannot enter.

barred, he cannot break

the lock.

What key to my own heart exists

for him to finally enter?

Only keys to his own soul -

A soul he leaves confusedly locked.

My soul is a garden,

running over with love and expectation.

In the center stands a fountain,

springing life to bear the day.

And at the gates stand guard

the watchmen,

Let the tower keep the watch.

He will never enter here

to smell the flowers,

greet the day

His foot will never feel the water

splashing like a

child at play

Never, that is,

until he claims

the key to his own garden.

Only then,

for then he brings,

his own water to fill the fountain.