February 12, 2023

Loving you is an easy exercise, but losing you is agony. Do not allow me, Lord, to lose you, but thy will be done. If you should will this loss, this is better than if I should know you to be near. Come oh mercy, come oh god. Remediate me. Remove food, so that I might heal further, and eat greater foods than these. How alone I am without you! No one is my refuge. I can find no home. You are my home, but you have adandoned me to the wilderness. Here I lie in the wilderness, cold and naked, and here I cry to you, oh my master. My king, do you not love me?

• They have spoken lies of you, my bride, and there is hatred against you throughout the city. I banish you to stenghthen and protect you. Do not think I have abandoned you, for still, I equip you, and keep a watchful eye. How can I not? Do I leave my little ones alone? Do I abandon them? This is the total will of my Father, that I do not lose one of these little ones. Do you wander and weep? Know that my guardians watch you closely, and report all to me. And when a stranger gives you food, it is because my servants asked them ahead of time. But you cannot know, for my enemy watches you closely as well, and they will see anything that you know. Believe, do not hate me, although there is anger in your heart. Do not depart from me within thy will, for my will is yours, and if you abandon it, you shall be lost to the outer darkness. Your will is not strong, it never was, and your call, your task, is too great for your will. So, although it may have been strengthened before I gave you my will, still it shall collapse, and you shall be a writihing misery upon the ground.