Mar 15, 2022

Resting while Jesus Gardens My Heart…

Jesus told me, and I am writing to remind myself, that a new season is opening in my heart, and I need to rest in it. The action phase will come later. But now, the ground has been furrowed, and the blossom is resting, before it takes the effort to bloom. The caterpillar has spun the cocoon, and now is resting, before breaking out of the silk.

It’s ok if I just eat and sleep right now, because the dreams and the graces are blossoming through that work.

My soul is in the midst of a battle ground. It is ground zero, the calm in the midst of the storm. When my husband arrives, he will have fought the attackers to break through the line of battle, and reach the garden wall. At the wall, he will encounter my protector, my Brother, Christ the Lord. Mary will come and prepare me. She will dress me for my suitor, and when I conform my will to Christ, He will allow my suitor to enter. There, God the Father awaits to hand His daughter as bride to His son.

These are the visuals.

I’m also dreaming a lot about owning a Lodge where I heal people on the Gaps and Weston A. Price diets. I will put out a continental breakfast for the mornings, serve brunch from 11-2, and dinner from 5-7. I will leave out baked goods, soup, and salad the rest of the time, plus snacks, in crockpots and salad bar.

This allows guests to eat when they need to, nourish their bodies, and sleep and rest when their body asks. Each guest will have a private bathroom with a bathtub, and room to do an enema on the floor. We will include blankets, towels, and plastic sheets for enema floor sets. We will sell enema kits on the property, plus bath detoxes.

We will serve detox teas, juices, and broths.

We will hold classes where we teach how to make the healthy foods.

We will have exercise routines: slow stretching, walking the grounds, horseback riding, bike riding.

We will have a chapel on the property, with beautiful artwork, candles, pews, and floor mats for kneeling.

We will have a massage/chiropractic room for a masseuse and chiropractor to come.

August 3, 2021

While staying at Heart Ridge retreat and cultural center in the Blue Ridge mountains, helping to clean up and prepare for retreat groups and camps, I’ve been talking with Jesus, and recently, we were discussing the subject of ‘home.’ Not only have I been learning how to trust in the Lord more, and find joy in the everyday moments, but he has been revealing to me the nature of home and husband.

Before I set out on this trip, there was an attractive young man in my circle of friends that I was starting to get distracted by. I wanted to know if this was THE man. You know what I’m talking about. When you meet a godly man, who exemplifies the virtues you’re looking for, all you can think is “Is he the one?” And before we know it, our feminine hearts have jumped 5 years in the future, when we already have 10 children, living on a farmstead in the middle of nowhere, with goats and a vineyard, and a large homeschool co-op community.

Poor man. Does he have any idea what goes on in our womanly hearts? All he’s done is volunteer to lead prayer.

So anyhow, recognizing this tendency in myself, I started to bring this man to prayer. I started asking Jesus, “What do you want me to do about this guy? Is there anything you want me to do about him? What about him?”

And Jesus started responding back to me with questions. “Do you see Me when you look at him? What is it about him that is attractive to you? Where am I in this picture?”

I wasn’t in the mood for questions. I wanted answers. So when I realized Jesus wasn’t about to give them, I turned to his mother. “Mother,” I said, “what about this guy? Jesus won’t answer me.”

She answered me with a visual prayer. In this prayer, I was a five-year-old child, petulantly asking to go play with another child. But Mother Mary scooped me up, and asked, “Where are you going, little girl?”

“I want to go play with that boy, he looks nice.”

“I want you to stay and play with Jesus” she told me.

“But what about that guy? Isn’t he nice?”

“He’s nice,” said Mary, “but we’re leaving in five minutes, and I need you where I can see you. Now go play with Jesus.”

In this beautiful visual, Mary showed me several truths about my journey, which I’ve kept close to my heart all this time.

1. Number one. She wants to keep me close to her.

2. Number two, I am still a small child in so many ways, and Jesus wants to teach me how to play.

3. Number three, it was not the time for a man in my life. There was a journey to make first.

I’ve learned on this journey that when it is time for a man to come into my life, I will not be desperate about his entrance. I will not be trying to figure out, “WHAT about him? What about HIM?”

As I keep my eyes on Christ, He will step aside when we are BOTH ready, and the time has come in God’s plan.

I’ll finish with a visual prayer my spiritual mother told me once, which has brought me so much insight. Right now, as a single woman, imagine Christ beside you as a shadow. Everywhere you go, he companies you, and one day, a man will enter into your life. On your wedding day, this will step into that shadow of Christ, and become Christ for you. His hands will be Christ’s hands, his feet Christ’s feet, his heart Christ’s heart, and he will seek to do the Lords will, for your good, and the good of your children. Christ does not abandon you, either now as a single woman, or in marriage. When a man is in love with Christ first, and you next, he is Christ in your married life, as much as you are the church to Christ.

And so I am abiding in the Lord’s timing, trusting that as I do his well in each moment, each day, I am walking the journey that is bringing me closer and closer to the man who will win my heart, and step into the shadow of the Lord.