Healing from My Self-Imposed “Stay-At-Home Order”
Freedom through COVID
When Covid first hit in 2020, it was like a veil lifted from my eyes, and I realized how alone and isolated I had become. How had our society come to a place where isolating in our homes for an indeterminate amount of time was acceptable?
As governments, the CCD, businesses, and even families called for a stay-at-home measure, I realized I had been following an interior stay-at-home sentence for years, that I had imposed over myself.
Ironically, I never lived so large as I did during the global pandemic. It was a wake-up call for me. I decided I was not going to be a victim to illness any longer. I have struggled with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, chronic migraines, and severe food allergies for 14 years, but instead of dealing with the realities of my illness, and finding a way to grow and learn and make friends anyway, I had let it become an excuse to put my life, growth, education, and relationships on hold.
I needed a global pandemic to realize that I had a pandemic in my mind.
And it was only when I cast off those excuses that The Flight House took flight.
Christ Can Do It
This is not some inspirational ‘you can do it’ story. There’s plenty of those out there, and they fill us with confidence and purpose. But I listened to so many over the years, and never truly found freedom. There was something missing.
It was truly grace, and only grace, which raised me from my mental imprisonment. Without the Lord’s presence, guidance, and support, I would still be full of pain and self-pity, living in darkness, fear, and confusion.
I can’t explain how it happened, except that I believe 2020 was a turning point in the spiritual world. Mary predicted a hundred years of darkness in 1918, and in 1920, the influenza pandemic - during which churches closed and people donned face masks - broke out. A hundred years later, the same thing has happened.
And between that time, from 1920 to 2020, what has our world accomplished? What, but to turn the children of christian families into apostates? What, but the emergence of ‘nones’, people who know nothing of Christ, and his personal, abiding love for them? What, but confusion of self, identity, and sex? It is standard, now, for our cities to have dedicated, full-time crime experts, police forces, and prosecutors. It is standard for casual sex, drugs, and alcohol to be glorified.
By God’s grace, and the intercession of Holy Mary and Saint Joseph, I turned my life around in 2020. With mindset work, prayer, emotional healing, generational healing, and beautiful friendships, the Lord showed me how much I have to contribute. No amount of telling myself, “I can do this” had worked for me. I needed the Lord to enter my house and say, “I can do all things for you, if you only trust in Me.”
Freedom Through Christ
COVID was the catalyst, but Christ is the healer. No matter our bruises, scars, brokenness, or depression, He can shine His light, gently and respectfully, into our darkest places, and draw us out of our hidden corners.
He can open His churches, and bring His Eucharist into our hearts. He can cross distances, and work in spite of the societal norms, using unrighteous systems to accomplish righteous ends, for He makes all things new. And ultimately, all He needs, to accomplish these things, is our trust, and willingness to surrender.
Jesus, I trust in You. Make me a channel of your righteousness, and a conduit of healing and honesty. Fill my heart with Your love, and infuse in me surrender to Your Divine Will. Amen.