Women Are Not Called to ‘Provide’

Growing up, I wanted to marry a man who would provide for me, and allow me to stay at home, but when I didn’t get married right out of college, I thought God was trying to send me a message: “You need to earn the right for a husband to provide for you.” Sadly, I allowed my fears of not being lovable to cloud me to the gift the Lord wanted to grant me. Over time, as I struggled with health issues, part-time jobs, and ever-increasing debt, I started to think, “Maybe I’m not smart enough, hard-working enough, or worthy enough to work. Maybe I will never be worthy of a husband providing for me.”

The culture shows us the path to family, marriage, and love this way: first, you work to make money, so then, you can buy a house and car and invest in retirement. Then, you get married, combining and cultivating your incomes so you can pay for your kids’ colleges. At last, you can have two children. And when you have all the children you want, then you have a home.

Recently, I was talking with a woman I highly admire, and she said something I have heard from so many women before her. When speaking of marrying her husband, she said, “He never wanted me to work. He wanted me to be able to have the ability to stay home with the kids, and he made that a possibility.”

Though I’ve heard it from many women, I guess my heart wasn’t in the right place for it to actually hit home. You see, throughout my life, I have grown more and more afraid of women like this. Instead of seeing the gift that they bring to their husband and children, and the joy in their everyday lives, it’s been easier to think, “She’s not a hard worker. She never earned this. She is hiding away in the home.”

I was afraid because I believed I needed to earn the right to have a house, stay with the children, and work from home. I struggled with the idea of letting a man provide for all my needs. I believed in being a stay-at-home mom for the sake of the children, but failed to see how it could also be for the sake of myself, and for my husband.

As I reflected on the life story this mother shared with me, for the first time, I understood that it is not a question of earning the right to stay home. She and her husband did not see it as a right, but as a gift, and gifts are not to be earned.

As I have reflected deeper on this, I realized it is a gift that the Lord wishes to grant to any woman, no matter her state in life. As a woman, we are made in the image and likeness of God, to reflect His infinite capacity to receive, and we are made to receive the gift of another providing for our needs.

I began to reflect on the woman of Proverbs 31. As one of my friends pointed out to me, the woman of Proverbs 31 is not idle. She is a homemaker. She plants vineyards, runs an industrious business; and raises many children. But here’s what really got me: she does it all from the structure of the home her husband has given her. The woman of Proverbs 31 enriches her husband’s house; a house which she, by her very presence, turns into a home.

After speaking with this woman, I looked about her house and see how her fullest potential on earth has been realized, and is continually unfolding. From the structure of the home, this woman writes articles and books, hosts events and retreats, runs marriage ministries, cares for her children, drives them to events, and dedicates alone-time to spend between her and her husband. She is not just a stay-at-home mom - she is the woman from Proverbs 31.

Somehow, I realized, this gift from her husband for her not to hold a job has actually honored her innate femininity, and allowed her to thrive.

Ladies, the culture has it backwards. The idea that a woman can be worthy, in spite of not bringing in income, has only recently begun to unfold in my heart. It has awakened a realization of the damaging way in which I have approached my work. I am now, through prayer, finding the way to redirect.

I am learning that it is Christ’s desire to provide the structure for me within which I thrive. Because, since I am still single, Christ is standing in right now for that future husband. I am the church, and Christ loves the Church as a husband is called to love his wife. He desires, above everything, to provide for my every need.

I need to stop seeking to prove that I am worthy enough for Christ to provide for me. The question becomes, instead, ““How does the Lord want to provide for me with spousal love, and how am I going to receive His providence?”

When we allow ourselves to receive first, we find deep fulfillment, direction, and peace.

For woman, business is never meant to come first. Business, or economic growth, is a by-product from the deep fulfillment of her initial mission, which is ‘home.’ The structure within which the woman thrives is this: first, she inhabits a house given her by her husband, which she turns into a home through her innate feminine genius; then, she has children, trusting her husband to provide for her needs and the needs of their children; as the home thrives, the woman’s heart overflows; her sphere of work begins to expand, and she ‘plants a garden’, then broadens to a ‘vineyard’, and ultimately, like the woman of Proverbs 31, she ‘weaves cloth’ and runs a business.

It is not that women are never called to work. I myself am still working, and He provides for me out of that labor. Sometimes, in rare circumstances, the Lord even provides entirely for our family out of the labor we, as women, engage in, but even then, we are still not the providers. That’s God’s responsibility. Unlike men, women are not called to work in order to provide. God provides. These two realities, working to provide and working from an overflow of the heart, can look very much the same from the outside, but the difference is in the internal relation to our calling as women.

We are called to work out of the overflow of our hearts. When we abide in the loving home and care of a good man, our work is bountiful.

The woman of Proverbs 31 was never idle, but she did everything from the structure of the home her husband gave to her. For a woman, the home comes first and the business flows out of it. This is where she receives deep and abiding love. If you are struggling with the idea of your current or future husband providing for you, I understand, and I encourage you to bring this to Jesus. He seeks to meet all your needs, and to create a safe and loving space for you. Ask Him to enter, and to show you how to trust in His providence.

The question I am learning to ask now is, “Where is Christ building me a home, and how can I be His spouse in this space?” I encourage you to join me in this prayer, as we learn to open our hearts to His graces and gifts, and receive the gift of his providence.